


if you were as you are

by silverfoxflower



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Catboys & Catgirls, First Time, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25131193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverfoxflower/pseuds/silverfoxflower
Summary: "And what do you think, Geralt? That I'm some ... some ...pussy?" Jaskier whirled around, full of fury and dismay as he tried to grab a hold of the furry appendage that was currently sticking out of his ass. Above his ass, rather, and moving like it had a mind of its own."I ... hm." Geralt hid his mouth in his hand as if in deep thought, though the trembling in his shoulders gave him away."Yeslaugh," Jaskier spat out. "Let's all laugh at the bard with the pussycat ears and fucking- fuckingtail!" He had finally caught the object of his rage and it hung from his fist, twitching at the tip. "My pants!" Jaskier wailed as Geralt finally gave into his instincts and laughed until tears were streaming down his face.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 7
Kudos: 259





	if you were as you are

"And what do you think, Geralt? That I'm some ... some ... _pussy_?" Jaskier whirled around, full of fury and dismay as he tried to grab a hold of the furry appendage that was currently sticking out of his ass. Above his ass, rather, and moving like it had a mind of its own. 

"I ... hm." Geralt hid his mouth in his hand as if in deep thought, though the trembling in his shoulders gave him away.

"Yes _laugh_ ," Jaskier spat out. "Let's all laugh at the bard with the pussycat ears and fucking- fucking _tail_!" He had finally caught the object of his rage and it hung from his fist, twitching at the tip. "My pants!" Jaskier wailed as Geralt finally gave into his impulses and laughed until his chest hurt.

\--

"Just my luck. The once, the _once_ -" 

"This is at least the second time."

" _The once_ ," Jaskier scowled. "I need a mage with desperation and all of them have buggered off with their thumbs up their asses except _Yennefer_." 

Geralt decided to focus his entire attention at knocking at the inn door. 

Jaskier's ears were the color of his hair and easily hidden by a floppy ( _utterly unfashionable_ Jaskier muttered) beret. The tail, however, had to be tied to his leg with ribbon and judging by Jaskier's strange limp-swagger, it was an uncomfortable situation. 

Luck was on their side, however, as a familiar female voice called, "Come in." 

Yennefer was reclining on a plush red couch, a small plate of cherries at her fingertips. Her dress - a shimmering dark purple - pooled artfully at her ankles. An ornate, leather-bound tome was open in her hands, which she closed with a snap as Geralt and Jaskier entered. 

"Drama queen." Jaskier muttered before Geralt elbowed him in the ribs. 

"Let me guess," Yennefer said with a slow blink, "You need my help." 

Instead of answering, Geralt pulled off Jaskier's hat, allowing two perfectly-formed cat ears to pop out of his hair. They flattened as Yennefer’s cool expression broke into a laugh. 

\--

"A _Fae_?" Yennefer crossed her arms, "They're extremely dangerous." She glanced at Jaskier. "What did he do?" 

"It was my fault." Geralt said quickly as Jaskier opened his mouth. 

"Damn right." Jaskier, unconsciously or not, was mirroring Yennefer's defensive stance, his arms crossed over his chest and his freed tail low to the ground and twitching. 

"I didn't know she was Fae when I helped her." Geralt said, "Then she offered to grant me _a desire unspoken_. I recognized that turn of phrase." 

"Classic Fae." Yennefer narrowed her eyes, walking around Jaskier in a slow circle. "Never straightforward." 

"Obviously Geralt's desire was to turn me into an object of humiliation." Jaskier said, his tone so defeated that Geralt felt an uncomfortable stirring of guilt in his gut. 

"You can fix him?" He asked Yennefer. 

"That depends." Yennefer said, suddenly brisk as she moved to grab her cloak and materials. "Where did you last see her?" When Geralt moved to follow her she held up a hand. "I just need the location. Not your presence." 

Perplexed, Geralt detailed for her the small spring in the woods that he and Jaskier had come across an old woman who had revealed herself to be a Fae in glamour. 

"How will finding her help me?" Jaskier asked. 

"Oh it won't." Yennfer said, smiling blithely as she opened a portal. "The only thing that can is Geralt getting his head out of his ass and speaking his desires. So I wish you good luck with that." 

"Yennefer!" Geralt rushed forward as she stepped through her portal and vanished before he could follow. 

Jaskier buried his face in his hands and groaned. "She's gone after the Fae to ask for a baby hasn't she?" He peeked through his fingers at Geralt, who was still fuming. In a small voice, he added, "You can go after her if you want to. I'll be fine here. Physically." 

Geralt turned, looking at Jaskier's pathetic form. He was sitting mournfully on Yennefer's couch with his knees under his chin and his ... tail curled around his bare ankles. 

"I won't." Geralt sighed, moving to sit heavily next to Jaskier. "I think you need me more." He hurriedly added, "To get this sorted." 

Jaskier snorted, but when he pressed his cheek against his knees his ears flicked happily. 

\--

"They're unspoken for a reason." 

"And yet," Jaskier said, narrowing his eyes as he paused his writing on the parchment. "You _swear_ one of them does not involve my humiliation and utter ruin." 

"Who can fathom the workings of a man's mind?" Geralt muttered quietly, earning a glare from Jaskier. As night had fallen, they had made camp in front of Yennefer's fireplace, sitting on her fur rug and sharing a bottle of wine. Jaskier was plucking at his lute in between writing notes, and Geralt didn't put it past him to pen a new ballad exposing Geralt's embarrassing desires as revenge. It felt, except for Jaskier's animalistic accessories, like a usual night. 

" _Focus_ , Geralt." Jaskier said. "My dignity depends upon it! What little I have left." He pinched one ear between his thumb and forefinger. "What about cats? Do you have anything in particular for or against them? Or is pussy purely ... metaphorical?" 

Geralt rubbed a hand over his face. "Well," he said doubtfully. "When I first ... _became_ a Witcher I heard that certain animals didn't react well to our presence." 

"Cats?" 

"As far as I've experienced. Not that I went out of my way to harass them." It went a long way to confirming his monstrousness, though, when every cat he ever stumbled upon reacted with hissing and fearful scurrying. 

"Do you like cats?" Jaskier cocked his head, his profile lit by firelight. For one, heart-stopping, moment Geralt thought that he saw Jaskier's eyes flash a cat-like yellow, but when he blinked it was the familiar cornflower blue. 

"I never had anything against them." Geralt said. "As a child, I ..." A grey-striped tabby, small and silent, pushing into his hand and purring. She lived in his barn and he had forgotten the name he gave her - something short and juvenile. She had kittens that spring and brought them to his bed, one by one, before curling to sleep at his feet. He had left them there the morning Visenna took him to Kaer Morhen. “I liked them.” 

“Maybe you want a cat.” Jaskier said, with a deep resignation. “I don’t know what that has to do with me, but …” he shrugged. “I'm desperate enough to give it a try.” Jaskier flopped down onto his forearms, lying on his stomach as his tail made a question mark in the air. “Go ahead.” 

“... what?” 

“Go ahead,” Jaskier swept out an arm and narrowly avoided spilling a half-empty bowl of fruit. “Pet me to your heart’s content. I’m your pussy this evening.” 

“This is ridiculous,” Geralt said, feeling a creeping heat at the back of his neck. 

“If it doesn’t work, we can move on and never speak of it again.” Jaskier said grandly, then ruined the effect by wriggling his hips and making his tail sway. “Come one, you know you want to.” 

Geralt swallowed, his hand hovering above Jaskier’s head. He never noticed before the strands of gold in Jaskier’s hair, which caught the light and shone like fire. Geralt tentatively lowered his palm.

“Soft, right?” Jaskier said quietly, “I have a soaper I swear by in Velen.” 

Geralt said nothing, stroking Jaskier’s hair in long, gentle movements as he worked up the courage to touch his ears. They were silky in the same way Jaskier’s hair was, and impossibly delicate as they flicked against Geralt’s fingers. The inside was petal-pink. Geralt rubbed his thumb around the base of one and was surprised to hear Jaskier moan. 

“Sorry,” Jaskier was flushed, perhaps from the heat or wine. “Go on.” 

He hadn’t noticed how long Jaskier’s hair was growing, curling at his nape. Geralt allowed himself to pet Jaskier there as well, feeling the heat of Jaskier’s skin under his knuckles. Jaskier was hiding his face in his crossed arms now, practically having crawled into Geralt’s lap. His tail was slowly swaying side to side, hitting Geralt’s arm with each swing until Geralt caught it, making Jaskier jump.

“Don’t pull it,” Jaskier said breathily, but Geralt merely ran it through his hand from tip to tail, marvelling at the size and coloring. It was the span of his arm, the hair long and made of the same mix of chestnut, brown-red and gold as the rest of Jaskier. 

“It’s lovely.” Geralt said quietly, and Jaskier made a soft, indecipherable sound. 

“Don’t get too used to it.” Jaskier, his voice strained. 

Jaskier was wearing the unfortunate trousers which had split under the force of his growing tail. The frayed ends peeled apart at the base, where Jaskier was … bare. 

“Jaskier,” Geralt said. 

“Yeah?” Jaskier lifted his head, blinking as if he had been awoken from a long nap. 

“I think I know what my unspoken desires were.” 

\--

Yennfer stormed in mid-morning, twigs in her hair and sans (from what Geralt could see) baby. When she saw Geralt and Jaskier scrambling to cover their nakedness in front of the long-dead fire, she scowled. 

“At least _someone_ made good use of the Fae.” She said, making several quick gestures as her paraphernalia began to pack itself up. 

“Couldn’t find her?” Jaskier asked, scratching his head and grinning with glee when he found that his extra ears had vanished. 

“Oh I did,” Yennefer said to herself, opening a portal to Aretuza as Jaskier tackled Geralt into the fur rug. “ _Fucking_ Fae.”

**Author's Note:**

> My [tumblr](https://greyduckgreygoose.tumblr.com/tagged/myfic).


End file.
